The Robbery - Humorous Fiction

The two men stood silently and smoked out the last of their cigarettes and threw them down squashing them with their foot. They put on their masks, removed their guns and entered the bank in front of them.

“Do you think we should really do this?” asked the man in the orange mask.

“Of course… we got to be different from the rest of our family – Aim big!!” replied the leader in black mask.

“As you say leader…… Let’s do this” said the assistant in orange mask.

They pushed through the double doors and waited in caution. “Look up” came a voice from a speaker mounted on the top left corner. Both men turned their heads in that direction finding a camera mounted beside it.

 “Oh no! hide your face!” exclaimed the assistant, immediately throwing his arms around his face.

“It’s already covered, you fool!”  shouted the leader.

“Oh no, I forgot!” said the assistant biting his tongue.

The leader pressed a button in front of them and the light turned green and the doors opened. As the two thieves entered the building, the doors closed behind them automatically. Surprisingly, there were not many people inside the bank.

“No customers??? Only a few staff?? Anyways, how does that bother me..” thought the leader.

“Now what do we do?” asked the assistant.

“Shoot in the air, my friend… just shoot in the air”

The assistant put up his MI911 pistol and fired a single shot in the air. All heads turned towards the two robbers.

“Now look here people, put your hands in the air and tell me the direction of your vault or the next bullet will go into your head”. Everybody threw their hands up in the air and pointed towards a long corridor. The robbers ran in the direction shown. After a short silence, they heard laughter from behind. “Hhhmmm…… why were those people laughing??” The leader brushed aside these thoughts and proceeded further towards the vault, which was their main goal.

“Today is our big day!”

“How so?”

“We’re going to be super rich”

“and….?”
“We’re going to prove to the world that we’re master criminals.”

“and….?”

“Our family will be proud of us.”

“and….?”

“What else d’ya want? That’s enough. Just get on with the work before the police land here.”

The corridor was dim-lit as if trying to conceal. Finally, for the first time in their career, the two robbers reached the vault. The vault, was obviously locked. There were two things: a number code and a fingerprint scanner. “How are we going to get through?” asked the assistant. “Watch and learn my apprentice” Came the reply. The leader removed a huge L & G machine gun and reloaded the ammo. “How come you get a light machine gun and I get a pistol?” “That’s cause cause I’m the leader.” He took aim and fired.

Red lights appeared everywhere and the alarm buzzed loudly leaving the assistant shocked. “Relax, it’s just an alarm” said the leader. They pushed the vault door and it popped open with a creaking sound. Both of them took a deep breath and gulped thinking if a booby-trap is set inside. Each of them wanted to send the other.

“Only one can go in. So…”

Both of them raised their hands and closed their fists ready to punch…. taking back their hands, to bring in maximum amount of energy and released it simultaneously at each other.

“ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS!” shouted both bringing out gestures of a paper and a rock.

”Aha!” screamed the assistant.”Paper beats rock, so you have to go in !!”

“No!! You don’t understand science d’ya? Rock can crush the paper.” said the leader shoving the assistant. “Now, get going and make it fast.”

The assistant stepped in cautiously and slowly went out of sight. The leader stood eagerly at the vault door. Suddenly, “Flashbang!” a voice screamed from inside. “Oh! My God! My dear assistant…. I am so sorry. I had misled you – Paper only beats rock.” Tremendous laughter emerged from inside. A figure appeared from inside. “I just wanted to know the truth. Anyways, I’ve got it.” The assistant came out dragging two heavy bags. He was sweating oceans in a centrally air-conditioned place.

The leader rushed grabbing a bag from his hand. “How did you carry this?”. The alarms got even louder. “Quick, grab the bag and run.”

Both the men ran as fast as they could occasionally tripping, falling and stumbling over the bags. They were almost half way through when the danger started.

Lasers emerged from the walls and began moving in random directions.

“What do we do now?” asked the assistant.

“Let’s see but we gotta get outa here before the fuzz shows up.”

“How about testing the lasers?”

“Good idea lad.”

  The leader reached out a hand and put the bag in front of a laser. The laser moved towards it. Just when it touched the bag, the bag blew up. The explosion ricocheted the two men off the floor. “Did I just slip on a banana peel?” asked the assistant.

“No you fool the laser detonated a bomb inside…”

“The bag” finished the other.

“That means…”

The assistant quickly unzipped the second bag revealing a black box with many screws and a time detonator showing ten seconds left. “Holy Christ” swore the leader.

The second explosion was enough to set off the foundation of the vault. All that was left were pieces of cement and of course the two robbers. Sirens were sounding everywhere; first were the fire engines, then the cops. The leader woke up first with some broken bones and cement filled in his mouth. He spat it out with a load of energy and looked around to register what was happening.

After the fire-fighters had finished their business, the police car came closer and stopped. As the door of the car flew open, a plump man rolled out of it. His blonde hair was made into curls; he was wearing a black suit which was small for his size which came up only till his belly revealing it. His face was the smallest part of his body. In fact, his limbs were also small in comparative to his colossal belly. Sometimes, people would actually wonder how he could fit his protruding, egg-like belly in such a small space of the police car. He paced slowly towards the leader with his belly wobbling like a bouncing jelly. After a minute or so, the detective finally managed to reach the leader with great effort. He lent out his hand and picked up the leader and as he walked with the leader, his face glowed with strange delight.

“Good job son” said the detective.

“What? What for?”

“You have successfully helped the bank demolish its foundation.”

“How so?”

“The bank wanted to change its location and so set time bombs to demolish this part of the building. They assumed they had to use several time bombs to demolish the vault, but you two have saved its money by only using two time bombs to demolish the whole foundation.”

“Then where’s the money?”

“It was transferred just yesterday to the new one.”

“God help me” murmured the leader. “At least do I get a reward for that?”

*****************

The dark times - political fiction

A  cold night it was. The sky was pitch black; no stars, no moon, no street lamps, nothing. Suddenly, an image moved in the background. Out of the dark came a man with a torch. He was big and was heavily uniformed. He had a holstered pistol attached around his hip. He was followed by two men walking behind him similarly dressed, patrolling the area.

The big man walked to the corner of that street and stopped in front of a beggar who was snoring on the footpath.

“Get up immediately!” shouted the man with a deep, booming voice.

The beggar slowly got up and said, “What is the matter sir?”

The man lifted the sleeves of his left arm revealing an iron bionic arm. He said, “You see this? I have lost my arm in war but now this iron is going to give a great deal of help.”

 “How sir?” asked the beggar.

 The man grabbed the beggar close to him with his iron arm and said in a rasping voice “YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SLEEP HERE, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN THIS COUNTRY, YET YOU ARE HERE SO NOW WE HAVE THE RIGHT OVER YOU THEREFORE I SAY THAT YOU PUNY PEOPLE MUST BE KILLED”; and saying this, the man pulled out his pistol and placed it on the beggar’s head.

“I have not done any harm to this country neither to you, why must I die then?” replied the beggar sobbing.

The man gripped the beggar even more tightly and shaking him violently said “I do not care if you have done harm or not but you must be killed!”

 The beggar replied shivering, “Please sir no…” The bullet was shot into his head.

The man let go of his grip and the beggar fell with a thud on the ground. The man turned back and said “do not tell of this incident to anyone.” The two other men nodded and all the three men left silently into the dark again.

Where am I ? - A Mystery

“Where am I?” asked Mathew. 

He seriously did not know where he was. He was joyfully sleeping on his comfortable bed and suddenly ended up here. The place looked familiar though. He was in a dark room faintly lit by a bulb located at the far corner. There  was nothing much else: a sofa which was completely broken, some copper wires, a thick mat made out of wool, some furniture, a glass window, some instant noodles and… a door.

 Mathew first went to towards the noodles and wolfed it down as quickly as possible. He then felt a wave of energy burst through him. What was in those noodles? He asked himself. Then he tentatively approached the door and tried to turn the knob but it wouldn’t budge. Panic coursed through him. 

What if he had to live his whole life here with no food and water? What if he could never meet his parents and friends again? How will he survive?

With all these questions in mind he returned to the spot where he got up and sat calmly. He again inspected his surroundings. Then he went to the window, opened it and looked outside. Fog, instantaneously covered his view. The only thing he could see was the light of the moon. He focused his eyes towards the ground and with great effort; he realized he was on a top of a cliff.

Suppose he could throw the copper wire down and climb down using it; he could escape. He thought again. Copper wires would easily break under his weight and jumping would mean suicide. Then, an idea struck him so hard that he was pushed backwards. Suppose he could use the bulb to hang it down by the copper wire so that any passerby could see the light and come and rescue him.

So he set to work. First he removed the light bulb and by doing this, darkness injected into the room leaving Mathew with fear. After the fear left him, he navigated his way through room where the copper wires were and connected one end to the socket and the other end to the light bulb. Thankfully it glowed. He then approached the window and carefully lowered the bulb down the cliff.

Now he started thinking of another brilliant idea that might save his life and in no time, he got one. He checked his pockets. Luckily he found the right items: a Swiss army pocket knife and a piece of clay. He removed them, approached the door and set to work and as he did, he kept thinking that what he would find behind the door will be something he would have never expected his entire life...

Creation of Fire - Mythological Fiction

There are abundant numbers of myths about how fire is created. But, this myth was a famous one passed on from many generations.

It was those times when humans found all possible solutions for their existence on the Earth, but had one major difficulty to overcome - 'night'. The only source of light to them was the Sun so when the Sun went down, there was eternal darkness. No one knew what to do and went around the world for an alternative source of light. The people hoped that the brave ones, who took over this mission, would find one but, alas! Not one person who took this challenge came back. But, still people keep sending combatants. Soon, the human race came to the verge of extinction.

The Gods were seeing this and were getting worried. 'WISMEN', The God of wisdom and riddles, got an idea and wanted to pass on this idea to the best person on Earth. He explained his idea to other Gods – ‘The people will compete with each other in various sports and the winner will get to learn a secret from him.’ All other Gods agreed except 'RAVEN', the God of wind and war. But, the Gods proceeded with their scheme.

'WISMEN' appeared before the people and explained them about the competition and told them the hidden punch behind the competition - "it’s a fight to the death". According to the rules of the competition, one boy should come from each clan and must belong to the age group 12-20. Girls were prohibited as the Gods didn't want them to sacrifice. The news spread like wildfire throughout the world. When the word reached a boy named ‘KLAMEK’, from the smallest clan, he was ready to volunteer but his parents warned and tried their best to stop him as they dreaded he would die. But the young challenger refused their warning and continued this crusade. As he was the only one from his clan, he was chosen. Boys from other clans also gathered at the designated place on the eventful day.

The competition began.

First was archery. KLAMEK excelled at this sport and won with great confidence.

Next was disc-throwing. KLAMEK was new to this sport and seeing the confidence of the rest, his brimming confidence drained out. He tentatively walked up to the disk and carefully lifted it. He felt it so heavy. He started swinging it with great effort also making sure to not break his bones and left it when he thought he attained the correct momentum and he was luckily right. By doing this his serendipity brought him to the final round. This time there would be no kismet for anyone. KLAMEK looked at the final survivors. There were 4 other combatants. He suddenly somehow remembered his old grandmother’s saying-“4 is a bad number my child. Four means death in Chinese.” KLAMEK shivered at that thought.

The final task was sword play. Unfortunately, KLAMEK’s karma failed him and he was given the tiniest sword (in fact it looked more like a dagger) in the group. He knew he could not fight with and had no choice but to climb a tree and wait till everyone finished killing each other.

After a day or so KLAMEK got down thirsty, hungry and weak. He looked around if he could find anything to eat or drink. Finally he found berries nearby and gobbled it all up. As he kept searching, he suddenly felt something cold behind his neck. He turned around to see a sword coated with a layer of blood.

“It’s been a long time brother!” spat out RAVEN.

“What do you want from me?” asked KLAMEK.

RAVEN replied, “Blood!!”

“Who are you?” KLAMEK managed to stammer.

“RAVEN, the god of wind and war!!”

Suddenly a bright golden image shimmered between them. KLAMEK’s instincts told him to close his eyes and he obeyed them but Raven tried to slice it and was burnt to ashes. After a while the light faded and standing there was none other than the God ‘WISMEN’. He told KLAMEK that he was pleased with his skills and also added that he will give his secret craft right away. WISMEN opened his palm and snapped his fingers and suddenly, there was a bright object.

KLAMEK tried to touch it but it was too hot. WISMEN told KLAMEK to take the oath of never using natural elements to attain this. KLAMEK blindly agreed and so WISMEN fathered KLAMEK till he learnt to attain this object by rubbing two stones. After that, KLAMEK returned back home with complete ecstasy and taught his craft to ignite what is now known as fire. It gave them light at night, let them cook their food and kept their hearts warm. 

Everyone was happy except one person, RAVEN. His spirit still stayed back of anger and blew winds at the fire. Even now his spirit remains blowing winds at the very object that became a beginning of momentous discovery.

FIRE…